Bonsai Marriages

Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for a tree is known by its fruit. Brood of vipers! How can you speak good things when you are evil? For the mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart. A good man produces good things from his storeroom of good, and an evil man produces evil things from his storeroom of evil. - Matthew 12:33-35 HCSB

One man was griping to another about how he hated to go home after a late card game. “I have to go through all this rigmarole just to get to bed without an argument. I turn off the engine and coast into the driveway; I take off my shoes and tiptoe into the house; I make my way through the darkness and I undress outside the bedroom door. But every time I try to slip unnoticed into bed, she wakes up and gives me the dickens!”

The second guy laughed and said, “I don’t do anything like that. I roll into the driveway with my headlights on. I punch the horn a couple times; slam the front door open and turn on all the lights. I stomp up the stairs, stride into the bedroom, jump onto the bed and plant a big kiss on her cheek. Then I say ‘Hi honey! I’m home! How about a little smoochin’ for your old man?”

“What does she do?” the other man asked, aghast.

“What she always does! She pretends she’s asleep!”

We may laugh at this silly story but unfortunately, it resembles many of our homes a little too closely. Some of our marriages are characterized by recrimination, selfishness and quarreling. Others are marked by indifference and apathy.

Jesus stated that we speak out of the overflow of our heart. When we use harsh, bitter, impatient words with our spouse, what does that reveal about the condition of our hearts? When we choose to give them “the silent treatment”, in what way does this demonstrate that the love of Christ dwells in us?[1]

The Master commanded us to “make the tree and its fruit good.” We are to behave like Christians – even with our spouse. If we were to continue using Christ’s metaphor of a tree to illustrate our marital love, what kind of tree would it be? Would it be a tall stately oak tree, weathered by time and majestic in its demeanor? Or would it be a stunted little bonsai tree, with all the outward appearance of a fully mature and functioning relationship but seriously dwarfish and pinched?

Don’t know? Then mentally review your last five conversations. Try to remember the last time you went out on a date. Better yet, sit your spouse down and ask. If you can’t, then yours is probably a bonsai marriage.

[1] 1 John 3:17