Choosing A Mate, 3 of 3

A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD. - Proverbs 18:22 HCSB

So generally, what specific characteristics should you be looking for?

A good mate should already be demonstrating the character and loyalty that is so vital to a successful marriage. If they have a roving eye now, do you actually think that a marriage license, a piece of paper, will make them faithful?

They should take marriage very seriously[1] and their commitment to it must be absolute. It takes a lot of character to resist the world’s temptations. A potential mate should be pure.[2] You must be cautious of marrying a person who has slept around or has been married many times. There might yet be lurking some serious character flaw that will cause them to be unfaithful to you too![3]

A good marriage will be characterized by mutual submission, trust and care.[4] Those are tough things to do and require a lot of character. Eliezer prayed and asked the Lord to point out a certain kind of young woman. He didn’t ask for some arbitrary sign but instead asked the Lord to bring to him a young woman whose actions would display a submissive, humble, hard-working servant attitude.[5] If a person does not already demonstrate those traits while dating, they are not likely to do so in marriage.

A good spouse also needs to be able to love you and spend time with you. They need to be able to not only physically, but also psychologically leave their parents in order to commit themselves to the new home.[6] If their idea of taking you out to dinner is to eat with their mom and dad, or their idea of a night out is sitting in front of their parent’s TV, you might want to reconsider!

Marriage is largely about interpersonal enjoyment. The mate you choose should be able to have fun with you. They should be able to simply play.[7] Are they uptight and persnickety? Can they laugh? Are they embarrassed or overly shy in public? Are they good losers? Are they gracious winners? These things reveal a lot about how you two will handle life’s ups and downs.

Their love (and yours) should be characterized by patience, kindness, understanding, humility, propriety, unselfishness, gentleness, forgiveness, righteousness, honesty, endurance, trust and hope. Above all, it must never think of quitting![8]

Most of all, you should try to BE the right mate. By inculcating these characteristics into your own life, you will make yourself more attractive to the kind of person you want to marry.[9]

While looking for the right mate, learn the secret of contentment, whether you get married or not.[10] Don’t give yourself away - “first come first serve.” Be selective. You are worth it.[11] Be patient. Whether young or old, God wants you to call on Him, walk close to Him, and wait on Him.[12]


[1] Hebrews 13:4
[2] Proverbs 5:15-23
[3] 1 Thessalonians 4:2-8
[4] Ephesians 5:21-33
[5] Genesis 24:13-14
[6] Genesis 2:24
[7] Ecclesiastes 9:9
[8] 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
[9] Matthew 7:3-5, 12
[10] Philippians 4:11-13
[11] Matthew 7:6
[12] Psalm 27:13-14; Isaiah 30:18