Dating and Sex

Let us walk with decency, as in the daylight: not in carousing and drunkenness; not in sexual impurity and promiscuity; not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no plans to satisfy the fleshly desires. - Romans 13:13-14 HCSB

It seems that almost every commercial out there is selling sex. Every drink is sold by showing images of wild, loud parties filled with beautiful, scantily clad young men and women. Even the argument for buying a men’s deodorant is that women will not be able to keep their hands off of you. The loss of virginity is such a popular theme they’ve even made a movie about it! How in the world are the Ransomed to overcome this overwhelming message as they raise their children?

The Lord’s teaching on the matter is clear. We are to be a decent people, not characterized by carousing, drunkenness, sexual impurity, promiscuity, quarreling and jealousy. These are things I heard about every day but twice on Mondays when I worked “in the world.” Unfortunately, ministering in a church has not completely sheltered me from this lifestyle either. Sexuality in courtship has become so matter of fact that even the church has developed a laissez-faire attitude about it.

Ransomed dating should not include a sexual relationship.[1] Sexual sin is never right. Our bodies were not made for that, but for the Lord. That is why we should run from it. God says that more than any other sin, when you sin sexually, you sin against your own body.[2]

Our Master demonstrated His love for us by ransoming our sorry lives and adopting us into His family. We are Hashem’s children now and we are by His grace transforming into something new, something wonderful. While we don’t fully understand what the end product will be (because it is simply too beautiful for the human mind to conceive), we do know that when Christ appears we will be just like Him. Everyone who has this hope in the Lord will purify himself just as the Lord is pure. Purity is not about adhering to some arbitrary set or rules or a code of behavior. Remaining true and faithful to this hope is the motivating factor behind maintaining purity in our dating relationship.[3]

Just as in a marriage relationship, a Believer remains faithful to the Groom[4] by force of love. Faithfulness is motivated by a love relationship with Christ. This loyalty to God’s incarnate love will allow us to marry in holiness and honor – not in lustful passion as the heathen do in their ignorance of God and His ways.[5]

“Pastor,” you may cry out, “I’ve already gone too far physically. What should I do?” First, acknowledge your sin.[6] Ask forgiveness for it. God has promised you a second chance.[7] Then trust His forgiveness. Quit feeling guilty and start living the holy life God desires for you.[8]


[1] Ephesians 5:1-5
[2] 1 Corinthians 6:13, 18
[3] 1 John 3:1-6
[4] Matthew 19:15; 25:1, 5-6, 10; Mark 2:19-20; Luke 5:34-35; John 3:29; Ephesians 5:22-31
[5] 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
[6] Psalm 51:2-4
[7] Psalm 51:7-12
[8] Psalm 32:1-6