Emotional Competency

For anger kills a fool, and jealousy slays the gullible. - Job 5:2 HCSB

When Hashem created us in His image, He gave us the full panoply of emotions that were available. He gave us the potential to feel love and hate, joy and sorrow – everything ranging from acceptance to zest.

The reason He gave us these feelings is so that they would motivate us to right action. There is an appropriate time and place for each one.[1] For instance, we would normally say that hatred is a wrong feeling, but Yahweh hates.[2] Jealousy is not normally encouraged, yet the Lord God feels jealousy over His people.[3] Though we should not be characterized by vengeance, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with the feeling since God Himself feels it.[4]

The problem with most of us is that we can hardly even identify what emotion we are feeling half the time, and by the time they are strong enough for us to clearly identify, our emotions are often out of control. We struggle with knowing whether or not we are allowed to be angry. We are tormented by our inability to forgive and wonder if it is even appropriate. Confusion is exacerbated by guilt and we swing between resignation and rage.

There are four steps we need to take when processing our emotions. The first is identification. If we don’t have the emotional vocabulary to identify and verbalize our feelings, how are we to process them adequately? King David was supremely capable of putting his finger on how he was feeling about a given situation and raising the issue up at his next meeting with God. As a result, he got answers to his problems and became a man after God’s own heart.[5]

The second step is subjugation. We cannot allow our emotions to rule us. Though we are allowed to feel them, they are not necessarily to be acted upon. We are allowed to feel anger (something we don’t have a tremendous amount of control over feeling anger anyway) but we are not allowed to let our feelings drive us to commit sin.[6] We are allowed to feel grief and sorrow, but we must not let those feelings cause us to doubt God.[7] If we understand that emotions are primarily physical responses, various chemicals released by the brain in order to facilitate given physical reactions, then we must take responsibility to discipline our bodies to God’s will.[8]

The third step is formulation. We need to determine what is the best thing to do about this feeling? Do we need to reconcile ourselves to the issue? Do we need to speak out about it? Do we need to act on it? What is actually best, not only for ourselves but for the others involved?[9]

The last step is communication. If necessary, openly, honestly and compassionately speak the truth to the appropriate person.[10] As already discussed, make sure that what you say is what’s best and as much as possible, makes for peace.[11]

[1] Ecclesiastes 3:4, 8
[2] Psalm 5:5; 97:10
[3] Exodus 20:5
[4] Deuteronomy 7:10
[5] Acts 13:22
[6] Ephesians 4:26
[7] Job 1:22; 2:10
[8] 1 Corinthians 9:27
[9] Romans 12:10; Ephesians 5:21; Philippians 2:3
[10] Ephesians 4:15; Matthew 5:23-24 cp Matthew 18:15
[11] Romans 12:18