Willing to Lose but Prepared to Gain

The person who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; the person who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And whoever doesn't take up his cross and follow Me is not worthy of Me. Anyone finding his life will lose it, and anyone losing his life because of Me will find it. - Matthew 10:37-39 HCSB

Discussions of what it means to have a Christ-centered marriage often fail to address the issue of the marriage in which only one of the two are actually Ransomed. How does one pursue a Christ-centered marriage when one half of the relationship is seriously flirting with Mammon?[1]

As I stated in “A Christ-Centered Marriage”, giving the Lord His befitting centrality means using the relationship as an opportunity to imitate His sacrificial love. Marriage is a testing ground in the child of God’s constant effort to be holy[2] and to make their spouse holy.[3] Though being “unequally yoked”[4] makes this pursuit much harder, it does not change God’s call to holiness.

Paul directly dealt with this situation. He taught that the Ransomed must, if at all possible, remain with their unbelieving spouses. Why? So that they can sanctify their spouse and their children.[5] Again, the primary purpose of the Christian marriage is to sanctify, set aside and make the other holy.

This is not to be done in an obnoxious, supercilious and holier-than-thou attitude. Our speech should always be lightly seasoned with grace,[6] not drenched in constant saccharine-sweet quasi-religious platitudes. We are to demonstrate to our unbelieving spouse the advantages of holiness; the draw of a sanctified life.[7] Peter taught, “Conduct yourselves honorably among the Gentiles, so that in a case where they speak against you as those who do evil, they may, by observing your good works, glorify God in a day of visitation.”[8]

Everyone has a free will. Everyone has the chance to rebel against the rightful King[9] and unfortunately most do.[10] Very often a household divided against itself on such an important issue will fall.[11] If that happens, placing Christ on the throne of our marriage may mean going through a painful divorce with a Christ-like attitude. It doesn’t mean that we are dishonest about our feelings[12] or that we enable sin,[13] but that our desire is still to demonstrate the primacy of our King over every expression. It means knowing that we will be judged for every word that comes out of our mouth.[14]

Having said that, sacrificial holy love, the kind that constantly seeks the good of its object, is an amazingly powerful weapon. Patient, humble and honest service is very hard to resist. We may think that by placing Christ above our spouse or our children may risk our relationship with them but the truth of the matter is that it very well may be our only hope at keeping them eternally.


[1] Matthew 6:24; Luke 16:13
[2] 1 Peter 1:16; Leviticus 19:2; 20:7, 26
[3] Ephesians 5:25-26; Hebrews 10:24
[4] 2 Corinthians 6:14
[5] 1 Corinthians 7:12-17
[6] Colossians 4:6; Ephesians 4:29
[7] Matthew 5:14-16; 1 Timothy 2:9-10; 5:10; Titus 2:7, 14; 3:8; James 2:18
[8] 1 Peter 2:12
[9] Matthew 2:2; 21:5; 22:2-14
[10] Matthew 7:13
[11] Matthew 12:25; Luke 11:17
[12] Colossians 3:9; James 3:14
[13] Romans 12:9
[14] Matthew 12:36