Advice to Parents of Wayward Children, 6 of 9

So he got up and went to his father. But while the son was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion. He ran, threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him. - Luke 15:20 HCSB

Say “I love you” to your wayward child a lot. Show your affection for them physically. You need to tell him that, although you disapprove of the choices he has made, you still love him. Imitate the Master who expressed His love and longing for His rebellious children, even as He recognized that they would continue in their rebellion.[1] Be quick to forgive them. Be quick to accept them back when they have truly repented.[2]

In Genesis, we read that the Lord God came looking for His wayward children.[3] He asked what seems at first glance to be an odd question. He called out, “Where are you?” God knew exactly where they were physically - geographically. He was asking where they were in relation to Him. Even though He knew they had sinned, He still came and made Himself available to them. I am convinced that if they had confessed their sins and repented of them, Yahweh would have forgiven them. Why am I convinced of that? Because that is what He has done ever since.[4] When we were God’s wayward children He came looking for us. He made Himself available to us. He sacrificially died for us. He did not wait until we were in right standing with Him.

The righteous father ran to the prodigal when the prodigal was still a long way off. His response to the little progress his rebellious child made was overwhelming. He did not merely meet him halfway. He looked for that little bit of progress and made the most of it.

The prodigal confessed his sins and the father immediately forgave him and celebrated.[5] There was not a long, protracted preaching session that included several “I told you so” statements. There was simple celebration over a right decision. That’s part of the “cling to good, abhor the evil” philosophy of love.

However, don’t allow your feelings for your child cause you to deny him a valuable lesson in the wages of sin. Let him deal with consequences. Hashem forgave David, yet allowed his child to die.[6] The righteous father didn’t carve up his older son’s inheritance to share with the young prodigal.[7] The younger prodigal son was forgiven and brought back into a loving relationship with his father, but he still had lost his inheritance and whatever was left belonged to his older brother. He also still had to win his brother’s love. Not everyone is a quick to forgive and when we sin, we have to deal with that.

The adulterous woman was forgiven of her sin and was relieved of the worst of the consequences (death). Nevertheless, she was still publicly humiliated, told by Jesus that what she did was sinful, would have to deal with the whispers of her neighbors and the anger of her husband.[8]

When he comes to you to bail him out of his problems, you need to lovingly tell him that the problem he is dealing with is the consequence of the choices he has made. Make him deal with it. Show him how to make good decisions. Steer him toward the solutions but don't "fund" his behavior. Don’t be an “enabler”.

[1] Matthew 23:37
[2] 2 Corinthians 2:6-8
[3] Genesis 3:8
[4] Romans 5:6-8
[5] Luke 15:21-22
[6] 2 Samuel 12:13-14
[7] Luke 15:31
[8] John 8:11